i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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