His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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