I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
PANTIES FOUND
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize