Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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