eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
