my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
