Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
