I like to think it a success when the cops are called
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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