You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
