That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How's work?
Spinning.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
