I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
