"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize