I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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