omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
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