Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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