You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
