Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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