sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
