idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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