apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
