Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
