listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
