True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize