I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
How external is "for external use only"?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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