Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
