I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
