Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
