If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
