why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
