You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
