Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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