he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
