you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
