Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it was like his penis was on wheels.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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