3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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