Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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