Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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