Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
