he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
