That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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