I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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