I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
