the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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