You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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