Non-Jews are for practice
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
