insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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