god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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