Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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