Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
