I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
