I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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