you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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