the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
