I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
