My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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