3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
