State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
