dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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