my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
