Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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