she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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