I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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