I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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