If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Who died my cat blue again?
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