he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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