I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
