Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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