i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
