By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
